Over the last year or two, I have left numerous hateful comments under the social media posts of people whose personalities, opinions, and identities I deemed unsavory. These comments were written by me under a pseudonym. A "burner account" if you will. I wrote those comments not as a medium of cope or retribution but because I truly have so much hatred for the people I see on the internet. I write this confession of hatred not to absolve myself of any wrongdoings or sins but to show my contemporaries who I truly am. A harbinger of hatred, detestation, and loathing. I REJECT MY ANONYMITY. I WROTE THESE COMMENTS BECAUSE I AM HATEFUL.
The following is a collection of comments I've left:
Local DJ:
"Find a new hobby. This shit sucks."
"My life being sad doesn't make your bullshit suck any less"
Aspiring Musician/Keyboardist:
"If you're over the age of 12 and you have to write the notes on the keys then idk maybe look into something else."
Aspiring Digital Artist:
"Knockoffappstoregamecore"
Music News Account Post About Sleep Token
"I knowwwww this comment section smell bad as fuck"
Local Indie Musician:
"Tear Tea and Poets down"
"Not gonna listen to ts + ur probably the ugliest mf in South Florida"
Note:
I ESPECIALLY enjoy leaving hate comments on the Instagram pages of those who are local. The closer to me, the more satisfying the hate comment. If I didn't care about my own reputation at all, I would leave hate comments on the Instagram pages of everyone I looked at funny in High School.
Evangelical Public Speaker:
"Kill Yourself"
Texas Junior College Promoting the New Pool Table in the Student Center:
"Absolute dogshit bridge + was a foul before you even scratched the cue ball (double kiss) + chopped + bullshit nothing school = end it all"
Indie Alt Hip-Hop Musician:
"Shut the fuck up. You can count the amount of guys inspired by Pharell and Tyler by the millions"
Indie Pop Musician:
"Poopcore"
Indie Musician Inspired by The Strokes:
"Why don't you just steal the whole band name atp."
"Essentially piracy"
It would be easy to claim that the real reason I leave these comments is that I hate myself, although that isn't really the case. I hate myself just fine, but it isn't why I leave hateful comments. To me, it isn't nearly enough to just think these mean little thoughts. I HAVE to express them. Let them be known. Not only must they be expressed, they must be expressed by ME. I have internalized every single mean thought that I have ever had. True visceral hatred for anything I have any scintilla of criticism towards has become a primary facet of my own identity.
There is a little part of me that is less proud of my hate comments. Social media understands everyone so well. It knows what you like, and it ESPECIALLY knows what you dislike. I know without a shadow of a doubt that social media purposefully feeds you content to rile you up. Therefore, many of my hate comments can be interpreted as algorithmically manufactured hatred.
I know all these things to be true. I know that hate comments are bad, being negative is bad, and social media's incessant insistence on showing you things just to hate is bad. But I'll keep leaving little hate comments on every digital inch of the world wide web as I please. Because it is just what I do. In all honesty, it makes me feel good. To tear someone down through the beautiful performance art poetry that is social media hate comments is to place myself in my own head onto a metaphorical throne of grandeur. And I drink from my chalice of malice. But a few seconds after leaving a hateful comment, I cease to feel anything at all. Hatred has become just dust in the eye. A brief moment of annoyance followed by quiet indifference. After reading and dictating the hate comments left in the examples, I found myself unsure of how to interpret any of it. It all blended together into a soup of mean words. I have desensitized myself to hatred to the point where I habitually make mean comments in my head targeted towards the people in which I surround myself with. The emotional dragon has grown so shiny and chrome, and I chase away one keyboard clack at a time. I know no other way. I am a mean little smeagol-esque monster obsessed with inflicting others with infinitesimal moments of embarrassment and sadness.
I don't think I plan on leaving any love comments any time soon.
o