truthfully, i had no idea what to post for ive never felt courageous enough to indulge and display my own thoughts in a sincere manner. one thing josh and i both have in common is the loss of a parent. now admittedly, my thoughts will prove to be nowhere near as poetic.
i was nine years old when my dad died, in the year of our lord 2013. truthfully, when i think about my dad dying a lot of it feels completely unserious. it started out one day as a fainting spell, which then led to some kind of cardiac arrest, and then for about the next 2 weeks he was in a coma. and i had just kind of assumed he would wake up because why wouldn't he?
i'm not so sure why i didn't take it too serious, i guess when you're a kid you tend to assume things will always just work themselves out. in hindsight, there were so many moments leading up to his death that just felt absolutely ridiculous, so how could it possibly end in tragedy? i distinctly remember on the drive back home from the last hospital visit, after telling my dad i loved him for what i didn't realize would be the last time and bearing witness to his comatose state, hearing scream & shout by will.i.am on the radio and it was almost like i had subconsciously felt reassured that things would turn out fine, because no way god would cast this song as part of the soundtrack to my dad's demise???
even thinking about my dad as a person made the severity of the situation feel dull, with nicknames being tossed around like farty marty, and bearing the appearance of a constantly sunburnt kinda-fat guy from new jersey, my dad essentially was like living with a weird rendition of santa clause. he was a pink, fat and jolly kinda old guy with glasses, and a boisterous accent and personality to match, and a team of alcoholic carpenters that could essentially work as his elves i guess.
the day my mom told me he died, in hindsight also felt quite silly. all it took was my mom knocking on the door to our guest bedroom, which also happened to store the family computer, which i sat in front of watching a shadow the hedgehog amv on youtube. i remember being annoyed and embarrassed my mom opened up the door, and then she delivered the news that marty was no longer. and it was like the point at which i stopped believing in santa and my dad leaving this earth had miraculously crossed paths.
life has such a funny way of delivering its worst blows at the most inappropriate of moments. there will never truly be a perfect moment for a terrible thing to happen. selfishly, it's like i wish i could romanticize the sadness of those moments, but scream and shout is just so preposterous to even attempt to work around in my effort to cope, so i guess my second best option is to just assume god must have a really weird sense of humor. fin